Sorry I couldn’t get back quicker – so many things going on here – websites hacked, wife’s father died, and had to do a Malaysia visa run so I can stay in Thailand another year.

Your experience sounds eerily similar to mine. I also stopped meditating after getting into the higher jhanas. Without a teacher, it’s a scary place. I hadn’t the slightest idea what was happening. On one hand – it felt as if there was nothing to fear.

On the other hand – I lost my wife, job, and everything I had… and who I once was… Vern died in 1999. I was like a flat-line at the time, no personality, no wants, no needs beyond basic food and water. No need to talk, do, or be anything…

So, quite a strange time. I stopped meditating and went as hard as I could (very weakly) back into the fray and tried to ignore everything I had been through – fearing the worst. I thought maybe it was possible I was losing my mind… and in a way, that is exactly what happened! hahah – and in a good way – I lost thought… I lost all the things that were unimportant in life.

Anyway – I found a monk in Illinois – Santikaro. He spent many years ~20, as a monk in Thailand at Wat Suan Mokkh in Chaiya, with Buddhadasa Bhikku.

He told me I experienced Jhanas – and what they were. WOW. So it was a good thing, not bad… that felt good. I cried on the phone like a kid – in relief…

I went to Thailand, met some more monks that understood what jhanas were -and they were so impressed. Impressed with what I wondered because I just did simple sitting and focusing on the breath like SN Goenka taught. Never sat a retreat, nothing. Still haven’t. Just dont see any need for it at all.

So – here in Thailand I meditated a bit more… had more jhana… and then reached a place where there was no more want to even find out where jhana led. No care anymore… it’s like disillusionment with the whole thing.

There is no more question about – what is enlightenment, it just doesn’t matter what it is. Doesn’t matter if i can get there or not. Doesn’t matter if I got there already and turned my back on it – or this is it. No clue, and no need to find out…

So, no teacher… never had one. The teacher was the SN Goenka book – minus all the fluff… I wrote a meditation book at amazon… 22 day meditation course by vern lovic… you can find it there – that’s what i did.

There is an excellent monk in your area – the UK – if I could remember his name… Vimalaramsi? I think that’s it. Maybe he’s in USA now, and is from UK. He had an excellent write-up about the jhanas that was exactly what I experienced – he is the real deal… and I enjoyed some things he wrote.

Anyway – thanks for writing and best of life and luck to you…

Cheers,
Vern

You said it happened years ago – are you still meditating? What are your experiences today?

I have had those experiences – if it’s what you mean. Starts out as a small feel good feeling. If I smile a little – it goes from there and launches into an ecstatic feeling of happiness until you burst type feeling…

Thanks for writing John – always good to get comments here…

I was talking to a friend recently and he asked a lot of questions about what happened before I meditated… well, I was a long distance bicyclist… Apparently I was meditating on the bike for years and didn’t really know it… just freeing the mind of all thought – and feeling the legs churn… feeling the energy… focusing on breathing. I also did a year or so of some highly introspective examination of my mind… I was studying in psychology – and I started to analyze everything about me – why was I like this or that… I recorded all my dreams on cassette and played them back and analyzed them. I looked at my emotions and tried to figure out where they came from. All this was before I ever meditated – and it probably helped to prepare me to sit and have jhana come so easily.

I don’t think I’m enlightened… but not sure what would be like. I’m not content and at peace all the time no. But, I can be within a couple seconds if I choose to. 99% of the time I don’t want for anything and don’t need anything ‘extra’ whatever that might be.

thanks for writing…

Would you say that you’re at peace and content all of the time now?

Thank you for your time.